I Respond and Ponder
Saturday, September 23, 2006, 11:20 PM
Okay, so you may or may not, remember this post. My dear friend, whom I've known for a long time (for me), say 11 years, responded with a challenging comment. All people, in whatever type of relationship, don't always see "eye to eye".
Although her response did not upset me in any shape or form...I did feel the bunchings of my underwear in the back there...for just a bit. I know her. I hear her speak when she writes. I literally hear her voice. So, I was taken aback by some of her choice of words, but I respect her and love her enough to not respond without a great deal of thought and consideration.
It brought to my attention this. (And what follows is not directed at my friend but what I have teased out of some things happening in my life.)
Let me tell you that in communication, you must be crystal clear both in the message you send and the message you receive. AND YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MESSAGE YOU SEND AND THE MESSAGE YOU RECEIVE.
In all of this and the things at work and in my married life, what it seems to come back to unfailingly is- communication. The second is- giving the benefit of the doubt until effective and deliberate communication can be established.
I think it should be mandatory to have to have communication classes in school, before marriage, before becoming a parent, before becoming the leader of some endeavor or organization and so on.
What kind of world would this place be if we actually learned to communicate and communicate effectively? To share ideas and thoughts in a mature and responsible way?
An amazing place I'm sure.
Let me wallow in my naïveté. Let me wish that we could all learn to be patient, compassionate, loving towards each other. To take the time to ask and conversate. To offer the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. To do what's right for the whole and not just the one.
What does that make me? I don't know, I'm sure there's all sorts of perjorative words but I like it. And if I forget to follow my own advice, please offer a gentle reminder.
♥Pam
| Permalink | By Pam and Bill
Okay, so you may or may not, remember this post. My dear friend, whom I've known for a long time (for me), say 11 years, responded with a challenging comment. All people, in whatever type of relationship, don't always see "eye to eye".
Although her response did not upset me in any shape or form...I did feel the bunchings of my underwear in the back there...for just a bit. I know her. I hear her speak when she writes. I literally hear her voice. So, I was taken aback by some of her choice of words, but I respect her and love her enough to not respond without a great deal of thought and consideration.
It brought to my attention this. (And what follows is not directed at my friend but what I have teased out of some things happening in my life.)
Let me tell you that in communication, you must be crystal clear both in the message you send and the message you receive. AND YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MESSAGE YOU SEND AND THE MESSAGE YOU RECEIVE.
In all of this and the things at work and in my married life, what it seems to come back to unfailingly is- communication. The second is- giving the benefit of the doubt until effective and deliberate communication can be established.
I think it should be mandatory to have to have communication classes in school, before marriage, before becoming a parent, before becoming the leader of some endeavor or organization and so on.
What kind of world would this place be if we actually learned to communicate and communicate effectively? To share ideas and thoughts in a mature and responsible way?
An amazing place I'm sure.
Let me wallow in my naïveté. Let me wish that we could all learn to be patient, compassionate, loving towards each other. To take the time to ask and conversate. To offer the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. To do what's right for the whole and not just the one.
What does that make me? I don't know, I'm sure there's all sorts of perjorative words but I like it. And if I forget to follow my own advice, please offer a gentle reminder.
♥Pam
Although her response did not upset me in any shape or form...I did feel the bunchings of my underwear in the back there...for just a bit. I know her. I hear her speak when she writes. I literally hear her voice. So, I was taken aback by some of her choice of words, but I respect her and love her enough to not respond without a great deal of thought and consideration.
It brought to my attention this. (And what follows is not directed at my friend but what I have teased out of some things happening in my life.)
Let me tell you that in communication, you must be crystal clear both in the message you send and the message you receive. AND YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MESSAGE YOU SEND AND THE MESSAGE YOU RECEIVE.
In all of this and the things at work and in my married life, what it seems to come back to unfailingly is- communication. The second is- giving the benefit of the doubt until effective and deliberate communication can be established.
I think it should be mandatory to have to have communication classes in school, before marriage, before becoming a parent, before becoming the leader of some endeavor or organization and so on.
What kind of world would this place be if we actually learned to communicate and communicate effectively? To share ideas and thoughts in a mature and responsible way?
An amazing place I'm sure.
Let me wallow in my naïveté. Let me wish that we could all learn to be patient, compassionate, loving towards each other. To take the time to ask and conversate. To offer the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. To do what's right for the whole and not just the one.
What does that make me? I don't know, I'm sure there's all sorts of perjorative words but I like it. And if I forget to follow my own advice, please offer a gentle reminder.
♥Pam
| Permalink | By Pam and Bill
I'm Pam and Bill.
We are DINKS with DOGS & CATS and chickens and turkeys.
Met on a blind date in October of 1993 and married in August of 1994. We have five dogs and two cats.
We live on about 122 or so acres in Southern Vermont. About 12 acres of pasture and the rest is woodland..
7 Comments:
Actually you do follow your own advice. Normally when I read something like this I just say 'yeah, yeah, sure', but you actually proved it to me a little while back when you sought clarification on something I said. That's something that few if any do regularly.
Awww, thanks Peter, how was the coast?
♥Pam
Communication...that really IS the key isn't it? Great post Pam..I got alot out of this one. I'm not so good at asking others for clarification, because I don't like confrontation no matter how minor, but I DO always give benefit of the doubt and take their past and present behavior into account before completely judging on something I may have misunderstood...if it happens again or even a third time, by then I muster the courage for clarification..
Great post.
Stacie
Great post Pam! You are so right, communication is the key.
This was a good post for me to read! Thanks Pam.
I especially like this "YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MESSAGE YOU SEND AND THE MESSAGE YOU RECEIVE".
So true. We all have our biased receptors on when we receive communication and it may not be what was intended.
I actually agreed with your original statement that war is always wrong. BUT...this post makes me take it a step further -- if everyone in the world communicated clearly, respectfully, and considerately...maybe wars would never even happen. Interesting thought, anyway. Hmm.
Yep, you are so right, and the hard thing about communicating over the internet is that you can just type and post things off the top of your head, and the person isn't sitting across from you to have an instant dialogue, complete with facial and voice cues! : )
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